On Performing Comedy

Hi Thrill-seekers
A few weeks back I hosted a comedy talent night in Sydney and got me thinking about some of the mistakes people make when starting stand up. Some of the contestants were brilliant and charming, some were just awful.
I've done comedy workshops in the past and though some people might say you can't teach humour you can certainly teach the craft of comedy which like any art form has it's rules and standards.
Here are some of the mistakes I saw and thought I'd pass them on to you.

1. Notes in hand.
If you can't do a five minute routine without notes pack up and go home now. The average Comedy Festival show is fifty minutes, that's a collection of ten five minute routines without improvising or playing off the audience.

2. Keep reworking your material,
yes I know I have gags old enough to vote at the next election but they are like my babies and never fail, they are the ones that are hard to let go. The hardest routine to write is your second one because you carry the first like a security blanket that you know is always there.
Some comedians are obsessed with not doing material more then a few times in their city but remember that your material, like a musicians songs, can be played all over the world either live or recorded. Put your material to sleep on CD or DVD.

3. One of the comics on the night had had "a few drinks' before going on stage and, unnecessarily told the audience. Being under the influence of drugs or alcohol is illegal in most jobs, make it in this job too.
Now, you might then reel off names like Lenny Bruce, John Belushi (read Wired) Bill Hicks and other geniuses of comedy. I didn't reel off some of the ones I know personally who I consider geniuses and have seen on occasion stumble on to the stage to protect the guilty.
Bottom line is I prefer my geniuses alive and consistent. The audience pays to see you being brilliant not foggy.

4. Know your subject, specially when talking about news and nationalities.

5. Look out for this line "I love women, don't get me wrong.... but you chics!" Then go on to do derogatory jokes about women. Or "I'm not racist, I love you Muslims but..." and so on.

Lastly when new comics ask me about performing I usually tell them to look up public speaking websites as this is essentially what we do, storytellers with punchlines, though some of the greatest comics don't have punchlines and are simply great storytellers.

If you see yourself as a storyteller you will be closer to seeing your material as a gift to be shared with the audience rather than a collection of punchlines that need reassuring laughter at every pause.

6.
Develop you own style
Some of the people I've seen lately that could read the phone book and still keep me entertained are people like Tom Gleeson, Kal Wilson and Colin Cameron, maybe I'm not into rock and roll comedy but they are great storytellers and can charm the pants off any audience.
I also want to mention Tim Minchin and Eddie Perfect because a lot of new comics narrow themselves into straight stand-up with out exploring other forms such as music, character or physical comedy. And remember that if you develop a show that trancends language you can work anywhere.... anywhere.


I found the following tips at Toastmasters.com and can all be applied to a comedy set.

Cheers people, love to hear your feedback




10 Tips For Successful Public Speaking

Feeling some nervousness before giving a speech is natural and healthy. It shows you care about doing well. But, too much nervousness can be detrimental. Here's how you can control your nervousness and make effective, memorable presentations:

1. Know the room. Be familiar with the place in which you will speak. Arrive early, walk around the speaking area and practice using the microphone and any visual aids.

2. Know the audience. Greet some of the audience as they arrive. It's easier to speak to a group of friends than to a group of strangers.

3. Know your material. If you're not familiar with your material or are uncomfortable with it, your nervousness will increase. Practice your speech and revise it if necessary.

4. Relax. Ease tension by doing exercises.

5. Visualize yourself giving your speech. Imagine yourself speaking, your voice loud, clear, and assured. When you visualize yourself as successful, you will be successful.

6. Realize that people want you to succeed. Audiences want you to be interesting, stimulating, informative, and entertaining. They don't want you to fail.

7. Don't apologize. If you mention your nervousness or apologize for any problems you think you have with your speech, you may be calling the audience's attention to something they hadn't noticed. Keep silent.

8. Concentrate on the message -- not the medium. Focus your attention away from your own anxieties, and outwardly toward your message and your audience. Your nervousness will dissipate.

9. Turn nervousness into positive energy. Harness your nervous energy and transform it into vitality and enthusiasm.

10. Gain experience. Experience builds confidence, which is the key to effective speaking.

Ten Laughter Discharge Levels

Number 1: guffaw - unh-hunh-hunh
Number 2: titter - heh-heh-heh (a). snicker (b). snigger
Number 3: giggle - hee-hee-hee, ghee-ghee-ghee
Number 4: chuckle - hunh-hunh-hunh(1) cackle - yak-yak-yak
Number 5: laugh - (1) hah-hah-hah(2) yuck - yuk-yuk-yuk(3) crow - haw-haw-haw
Number 6: belly laugh - ho-ho-ho(1) with snort - on inhale
Number 7: bray - haw-haw-haw
Number 8: bellow - hoo-hoo-hoo
Number 9: scream - Eeeeeeeee!(loss of urethral sphincter control)
Number 10 shriek - Aiiiiiiiii!(loss of anal sphincter control)
Number 11: die laughing

Bali Bombing

In July I went to Bali with my thirteen-year-old son, we had the most wonderful time and it's a trip that we are both going to remember forever.

What has stayed with me is the beauty of the Balinese people we met. Today I keep thinking about a young girl selling tour packages at the entrance to the Matahari shopping centre in Kuta.

Her pleasant eagerness to sell us a tour. We ended up going with someone else we had already booked but now I wished we had gone with her offer. The bombs that went off in Bali yesterday exploded just meters from her stand, I hope she is all right. My son and I walked past the Raja restaurant countless of times while we were in Bali, we seemed to gravitate to the Matahari shops or walking to the KFC that my son would take me to once too often.



The other bomb went off in Jambaran, for those of you who have never been there, and I hope you go soon, Jambaran beach is lined with some fifty restaurants, it's multicoloured tables facing the glorious sunset. We rode pushbikes there from Kuta; I now find out is nearly thirty kilometres away, no wonder we were tired. My son took a bad wave that dumped him in the sand and scratched his back, after the glorious dinner of fish, prawns and squid we decided to get a ride back to town from the effervescent young waiter, first he found someone with a car too small to fit our bikes than he found us a convertible jeep and we zoomed back to Kuta with the young waiter accompanying us, that's him waving in the photo of the orange jeep.



The second bomb last night exploded in one of those restaurants, I couldn't think of a more idyllic setting for something so disgraceful to happen. To think that someone would place a bomb packed with shrapnel, nails and ball bearings while people are enjoying an evening like that. What saddens me the most is the people of Bali who depend so much on our money, our measly ten dollars which is what a seafood meal would cost on Jambaran beach. John Howard warned Australians not to travel to Bali, I hate that man. The fear that he instils in Australia is exactly what these heartless terrorists want us to feel. Australians will find another cheap holiday destination and the Balinese... well the Balinese will sink even further into their poverty. Candidasa, a dreamy resort town on the east coast of Bali, was a veritable ghost town when we were there, it's street of restaurants empty still recovering from the 2002 bombing.


I've lived in Madrid while the ETA terrorist group was active setting off bombs around us, sometimes blocks away from our apartment, but one thing the Spanish do is they never let the terror get to them. Life continues, if the bomb didn't get you life goes on, don't let them interrupt your life.
My heart goes out to the people who died but also to the people of Bali for it is them who in the end will continue in their life of poverty.

One Angry Spaniard

Have been off the blog for a couple of days and just as well.
The weekend brought two miserable gigs, the kind that make you feel like you are taking three steps back. The show and the audience were great. A nice, easy time was had by all. but it was the details of the venue that make me feel like I'm working in a place where the standards aren't really are priority as long the drinks are selling at the bar.
Here is a good tip for comedians everywhere, if the waiters or waitresses feel they can talk at the top of their voices during the show you can safely bet that the venue is not particularly concerned with quality control on stage.
Dave Letterman once said to Jay Leno about comedy venue owners, "These are the guys that used run the trampolines at the Mall". And he was right sometimes you do gigs, specially at pubs where tonight is stand-up comedy tomorrow is dwarf throwing and the next day mud wrestling and neither the crowd or the staging is going to change.
I play a CD during my act and I don't know how manytime you get to gig and the manager will look at you asking "Oh, so you actually need someone there turning on the CD during your act?" Yes, because the Cash Converters microphone and the two patio lights you have supplied are going to add such production values I thought I might Finish with highlights from Miss Saigon complete with helicopter.
In a foul mood lately, everybody is really annoying me, one of those periods when nothing is comming up to scratch. Not work, not the kids, not the girlfriend. Every time I hit one of these periods I look around and start blaming everything and everybody around me. If the kids were behaving better, if I was doing another job, if I was working with other people. Of course when it comes down it is me that I'm not happy with. I'm making good money at the moment, not great money but a nice living but falling into the conundrum of the safe job as opposed to trying out new ideas, new projects. Realizing that I'm still not particularly good at enthusing people to work on projects or maybe I just simply don't do enough and work hard enough. Maybe once you have fallen into a groove, as safe groove the comfort is too cosy to leave and start taking chances again. I'm reading Mark Burnett's book Jump In. He created the show Survivor after fighting in the Falklands war as a Red Beret, and I wonder how many motivational books you have to read before something rubs off. Before all those mantras that we have heard hundreds of times finally start taking effect and you move forward. I'm sure I'm not the only motivational literature junkie, every bookshop has a huge section of these books that promise everything from riches to infuence, charisma to karma. But it seems to me that little touch of osmosis where the idea becomes action, that is the spark that I can't seem to find on the bookshelves.
More of this tomorrow.

Paella recipe

And just for the hell of it.
Although there are hundreds of recipes for paella this is the way I cook it to my taste, you may make it a chicken paella or a seafood paella or both. Or you may replace them with green beans, broad beans and vegetable stock for a vegetarian dish. Which ever way cook it to your taste. You'd never cook a whole paella just for one so it's a great dish for Sunday lunch with friends and family. All the best.
Serves 8
Paella Recipe
1/2 a chicken cut in pieces
1 clove of garlic finely chopped
olive oil
1 onion diced
1 red pepper diced
1green pepper diced
2 tomatoes(ripe) diced
3 cups medium grain rice
saffron colouring
1/2 litre chicken stock
1/2 litre white wine
150 grams calamri rings
200 grams pipis or clams
250 grams black muscles( boil to open first)
150 grams baby octopus
8 banana, tiger or king prawns
8 prawns peeled
2 lemons
salt
Brown the chicken with the garlic in a large flat frying pan or paella dish, not a wok, and move to one side. Stir in onion, green and red pepper and tomato in chicken juices to fry the base. Add in the rice dry and stir all ingredients well with the rice. Add saffron powder (artificial colouring is fine but beware of allergies, you might like to find a non-chemical saffron colouring). Flood the pan with chicken stock and wine. Add salt. Stir well and add calamari rings, baby octopus, pipis and peeled prawns. Mix in well and after this do not stir. Simmer at low heat for ten minutes. Place precooked muscles around the edge of pan and fan whole prawns on top in a star pattern. Simmer for another ten minutes or until most of the stock has been absorbed by the rice.
Turn heat off, cover and let it rest for a few minutes before serving.
Enjoy.

Another day another gig.

Just finished working and felt bad not putting something in today. The show was fun, the audience laughed in all the right places and managed to improvised a few new gags. Last year I did stand-up in New York and Montreal. I did one try-out night in a club in New York. One thing you notice since the anti-smoking laws have come in is that some of these old clubs without the cigarette smoke... Really stink. They stink of damp, kitchen smells, hell, sometimes you could smell the rubbish in the alley.
Anyway, the thing about New York is that they have these severe time constraints. Five minutes and you're off. I usually do two hours on stage. So you can imagine the talk about missing the red light by this nineteen year old manager. According to her I might never work in New York again. I think in the end I probably ended up doing about twelve minutes and got a good response for my first gig outside of Australia but , Man! The lecture I got. Also I'll never get back the half hour of sitting there to a semi-celebrity doing the worst material I have ever heard. One thing about American audiences they are polite. The same guy in Oz would've had a chair thrown at him. Hell we even boo comedians on national television.
Anyway it turns out that in the States the try-out nights work like this. If you bring in three paying friends, who buy two drinks, you get five minutes on stage. In some clubs if you bring ten friends you get eight minutes. So the place gets filled with the paying friends of the comics and nobody gets paid for the night.

Rainy day

Rainy day in Melbourne, a slow plodding day, it's been a week of reading and writing. Halfway through my second novel this week. Next week will have the buzz of the boys around the house but for now the quiet indoor life is fine. performing tomorrow and back to battle stations. I love my job, the simplicity of the challenge, standing in front of a group of people and making them laugh, the immediacy of its result, its success, its failure. The chance to comment while entertaining. The camaraderie, lately I've been rejoicing in working with people that I've know for a long time, that have known me for a long time. That will still be there after a bad night, not that we've had one of those for a long time. Planning for next year, looking forward to holidays soon, a few good shows left before the end of the year and the sun. Am I getting old? I was in Brisbane recently and relished the warm weather I could feel my bones thawing out after the Melbourne winter.
Footy fever is gripping Melbourne, Perth and Sydney fans can be spotted in the street. Still feels like a foreign language to me football. It's like a distant culture, I know it, I respect it but, essentially, I'm of it. Like a carnival in an exotic country I enjoy the colour and movement.
More tomorrow... The rain smells fresh...